Max Powers

Jose Rodriguez: As Good As The Desk He Sits At

On Friday, Lt. Governor David Dewhurst released the committee assignments for your Texas Senate.  From the looks of things, Senator Jose Rodriguez has just as much stroke in Senate as Chente Quintanilla.

Rodriguez  will serve, AGAIN, as vice-chair of the Jurisprudence committee in the Senate. He will also serve on the Veterans Affairs and Military Installations, Criminal Justice and Government Organization.  

You know what this all means?

When it comes time to deliberate in a Senate committee the proposed state budget, El Paso will not be heard.  Why will El Paso not be heard?  Because Jose Rodriguez is an ineffectual Senator.  Jose is too busy trying to be everybody's friend at a El Paso Young Democrat's meeting instead of trying to be everybody's friend in the Senate.  

And do not tell Max that Jose is being marginalized because he is a Democrat.  The Senate budget-writing committee has 2 Democrats from the Rio Grande Valley, 1 Democrat from Dallas and 1 Democrat from Laredo.  Laredo!!!  That's right.  Laredo.  El Paso is getting lapped by Laredo.  The only person marginalizing Jose Rodriguez is Jose Rodriguez.  

Don't spin the idea that the Veteran Affairs and Military Installations committee is important. It's not.  Anything military is by and large federal.   Go to Beto O'Rourke for these things, not Jose Rodriguez.  That is unless of course you want a Texas flag.  Then yes, go to Jose Rodriguez.

The El Paso House Delegation - namely Marisa Marquez, Naomi Gonzalez and Joe Pickett-  will have to shoulder much more of the legislative burden because Jose's lack of influence in the Senate.  And when the House Delegation cannot carry Jose's load, well, then that's when those guys that you all do not like - Paul Foster and Woody Hunt - have to take time out of their own busy lives to help out because El Paso sent an ineffectual Senator to represent them.

 

 

 

The El Paso Times Is A Reader!!!

Just when I thought the El Paso Times only read David K's blog, apparently the folks at the El Paso Times read mine as well.

A comment by a "paxmowers" in a previous post has an IP address that belongs to the Texas New Mexico Newspapers Partnership.  

Who is the Texas New Mexico Newspapers Partnership? 

Your very own El Paso Times.

Come on, EPT.   You should know better than to post from work.  

Readership on this blog has increased from a dozen to a BAKER'S dozen.  

Giggity!

Lobbyists 102

Remember when I kinda gave you guys Lobbyists 101? 

Crickets Chirping

Well, anyways here is Lobbyists 102.   We are going to crudely break down a lobbyist's income, and show you how miserable a lot of them are.

Y'all remember Pat Haggerty?  The guy when he was not poisoning his liver, he was...wait...the guy is always poisoning his liver.  That's what he does, and that's all he knows.  

Anyways.  So what is Pat doing? Well, as some of you might know already, he is lobbying.  At first glance you might think he is raking it in, but when you consider he is a 1099, he ain't exactly making bank.  Fortunately for him, he has a sweet state pension to help him out.

Here's his client list along with compensation:

• Centerpoint Energy: $50,000-$99,999.00
• El Paso Firemen and Policemen's Pension Fund: Less than $10,000.00
• Licensed Beverage Distributors (editorial...Figures): $25,000 - $49,999.99
• Life Ambulance Service Inc: Less than $10,000.00
• PTP LPL: $25,000-$49,999.99

So on the low end,  Haggerty is pulling in about $120,000.00.  But even then, it could be a lot lower.  We do not know the details of the contracts between Haggerty and his clients.  So these contracts may cover a year or just a legislative session.    There could be benchmarks associated with different levels of pay.

But back to $120,000.00. 

Haggerty's listed address is a ratty looking apartment building in Austin not far from the Capitol. Which means rent is probably about $1,000.00 a month.  He probably rents for the year so $12,000.00 is gone from that $120,000.00 .

Then comes everybodies favorite part....ENTERTAINMENT!!!  Believe it or not, a lot of lobbyists (unless you got a sweet corporate internal gig) really do not like buying elected officials food and drink because that means less money for them.  Put this between $10,000.00-$15,000.00.  

Then everybody's second favorite part....CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS!!! Again, believe it or not, a lot of lobbyists do not like making it rain on elected officials.  Why?  Because that means less money for themselves.  It's not only the El Paso delegation Haggerty is going to cut a contribution to, but to other members of the Legislature as well.   Let's put this at $10,000.00-$15,000.00 just as we did with entertainment.

Going on the high end, between rent, entertainment and campaign contributions, of the $120,000.00 Haggerty started out with, he is down to $78,000 which is not exactly a lot for a 1099 employee.  We have not even touched on the other expenses.   Without the other sources of income such as pension, Social Security, etc., Haggerty probably could not lobby.  

So why do it?  Because like a lot of former elected officials who go into lobbying, he just can't let go.  He likes to be in the mix of things.  You can see it with Norma Chavez still.  Despite her defeat, she still likes to roam around the Captiol and wants to be a player.  

We have this image of all lobbyists being rich and powerful men, but truth be told there are probably a lot more lobbyists living in ratty apartments than in mansions, and lot of them are a lot like the guy at the L&J talking about the hot chick he banged in high school some 20 years ago.

 

Diana Natalicio

Perhaps my comedy was a little rough for some of you regarding the fake comment about Diana Natalicio in a previous post.

But let's for a moment get serious and talk about Diana.  

Diana has been president of The University of Texas at El Paso longer than Saddam Hussein was President of Iraq.  

And kinda like Hussein (comedy), she has done nothing but exploit the poverty of the region for her own gain.  

Like Hussein, Diana is more interested in building monuments...err..buildings than building her people...err...students.

If you ask Diana how are things are at UTEP, she will point out all the new buildings, increased enrollment and funding for research at UTEP.  But the truth is that Chente could have been President of UTEP and these things would have happened anwyays.  If you were to look at all the other second-tier universities in this state, you will see the same thing(s): new buildings, more students and more research.  Diana is not doing anything out of the ordinary, and do not let her convince you otherwise. 

And when she is not taking credit for things that would have happened with or without her, she has nothing but disdain for El Paso elected officials.   On one hand, I get it.  El Paso has given us Larry Medina, Anthony Cobos, Luther Jones, and I can go on, but not every elected official El Paso has been under investigation or incomptent.   More importantly, her check, unlike mine, comes from a legislative appropriation.  She should show a little more respect and gratitude.  Instead, she likes to brag about how she sorta hoodwinked the County regarding the Sun Bowl and gives off a sense of entitlement when dealing with the individuals that the voters of El Paso have elected to represent them.

When pressed by elected officials or others about poor graduation rates, Diana will let you know right off that bat, "It's not my fault.  Everybody here is poor, but look over there!  There is a pretty building I lobbied to have built!!!"  Even though Diana has a PhD, apparently she never learned the word "accountability".  

So while Diana is not a mummified cunning literally, she is still a self-righteous administrator who regularly shields herself from any sort of responsbility with pretty buildings and low expectations. And she has been doing this for a quarter of a century.  

 

 

EXCLUSIVE - Fake Phone Conversation Transcript - O'Rourke and Ortega

Yet again Max has another exclusive - the fake phone conversation trancript between Congressman O'Rourke and Mayor-elect Ortega.

O'Rourke: (Accepting call from Steve Ortega) Yo, yo, yooooooo Steve-Oooooooooo!!! Whaddup' playa!?!?!

Ortega: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, main!?!? Whatcha' doin!?!?!

O'Rourke: Sheeeeeeeit!!!  Just trickin' out my Schwinn and rockin' with my cock out!  You know how I do!  So whas' goin' on!?!?

Ortega: Well, man, I gotta problem.

O'Rourke: Ah shit, man.  Lay it on me.  You know I fix shit. 

Ortega: Well, remember that girl in Juarez I told you about?

O'Rourke: Is Diana Natalicio a mummified cunt?  Of course, bro!!! How could I possibly forget about that!?!?!

Ortega: Well, she's pregnant.

O'Rourke:  Say whaaaaaaaat!?!? Hold up.  Pregnant?!?! That's impossible!!! You told me that chick was a tranny. 

Ortega: Nah.  This is another chick, but with women parts.  The tranny...Esmeralda...maaaaaaan...(Interrupted)

O'Rourke: Ummmm...okay, man.  Shutup.  So back to the problem at hand.  So what exactly happened between you and this non-tranny chick?

Ortega: Well, Norma and I...I mean...Paquita...(Interrupted)...

O'Rourke:  Holy sheeeeeeiiiiiit!!! YOU PHUCKED NORMA CHAVEZ!!! You sick phuck.  I bet you motor-boated her!!!  I bet you did you horny lil' bastard!!!  I can't believe it!!! I thought pansexuals only existed in fairy tales, but bro'...(Interrupted)

Ortega: Shutup, Beto!!! This is serious....(Interrupted)

O'Rourke: I gotta text Silver this. 

Ortega: Silver? Like Silvestre Reyes!?!?! What's wrong with you??? What about pregnant Nor...I mean Paquita??? Beto, quit fcukin' around...(Interrupted)

O'Rourke:  Shutup, bitch. The only one fcuking around is you and your 4-inch Mexican sewer snake.  And no, Norma is not pregnant with your child.  So chill out.  She probably ate a bad burrito or something.  And yes, Silvestre Reyes.  He's now a grounds-keeper on the Hill.  He's actually a pretty cool guy.  I wave "hi" to him when I bike to the Capitol. 

Ortega: Well, I mean...

O'Rourke: Sorry, bro', but I gotta wrap this convo up.  I am inexplicably hungry right now, and I am craving some Georgetown cupcakes.  O'Rourke, out!!!

My Dream Girl - Naomi Gonzalez

This is the Naomi Gonzalez that I dream about making sweet man-on-woman love to:

Source: El Paso Inc.

Not this one....

Source: Texas Tribune

 And no, do not tell me that it is not possible.   With that same kind of attitude America would have dead monarchs, not dead presidents, on its currency.

EXCLUSIVE - Fake Phone Conversation Transcript - O'Rourke and Escobar

Max has an exclusive for you!  We have a transcript of a phone call between Congressman Beto O'Rourke and County Judge Veronica Escobar.  

O'Rourke: "Yo, yo, yo, Ve-ROOOOOW!!! What's happenin!?!? (taking Escobar's call)

Escobar: "Hey, Beto, it's me Veronica.  I know you are busy in DC.  You have a moment?"

O'Rourke: "Of course my Eskimo-looking friend.  I just was fixing my Schwinn right now.  I just came back from a ride with Aaron Schock.  He's the Congress dude with six pack abs. But whatever. I am tall, good-looking and handsome.  Anyways, we biked to Adams Morgan to get some falafel.  So what's going on?"  

Escobar: "Well, as you know we have a lot of issues at the County that we need federal..." (interrupted)

O'Rourke: "Wait, wait, wait, wait.  I thought you were going to talk about something cool like about Steve Ortega's past sex life coming back to haunt him or something."

Escobar: "Beto, this is serious.  I want to talk about the issues.  You obviously were not a Community Scholar and learned nothing from Eliot..." (interrupted)

O'Rourke: "Hold up, Eskimo.  A guy as tall, good-looking and handsome like me is very serious....very serious about living...living the dream.  Now, don't get all mad at me cos' you have to show up to work at the 2nd ugliest building in El Paso after City Hall.  Which will become the first because Steve-O is getting a sweet new place. BOOM!"

Escobar: "BETO!!!"

O'Rourke: "Mellow out.  You got no issues.  All you got is the jail and the hospital.  And my boy Dick Wiles is doing a great job with all the Five-O stuff, and Jim Valentinorino is making bank so that when somebody eats a bad burrito has no health insurance they do not die.  You got a really sweet gig.  Don't worry about the Fed stuff, I got this shit like Susie has greasy hair."

Escobar: "YOU ASSHOLE!!! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE CONGRESSWOMAN!!!" (interrupted)

O'Rourke: "Umm, I'd like to chat some more but I just got a text from Schock about going to the REI to get some sweet new Veebs.   O'Rourke, out!!!"

 

EXCLUSIVE - Beto O'Rourke Fake Diary Entry

Folks, we somehow got a hold of Congressman Beto O'Rourke's diary entry from yesterday. 

Day: Whatever It Is

7ooAM:  As I got out of the shower this morning, and looked in the mirror, I saw a tall, good-looking and handsome man smiling at me.  Today is gonnna be a good day.  Brown chicken, brown cow!

1000AM: I just met with Minority Leader Pelosi.  All I could think about was if Steve Ortega was here, he would be trying to hit that shit.  

130PM:  Just wrapped up lunch with some of my new colleagues.  There is this one Filipino-looking guy from San Antonio, who is not tall, good-looking and handsome like me.  His name is Joaquin Castro.  He speaks less Spanish than I do.  He must not have had a nanny growing up.  And of course, Pete Gallego was there.  He is tall, but not good-looking and handsome.  The fact that he has a kid is odd.  Because a woman slept with him.  I don't know of any women that get pregnant by not tall, good-looking and handsome men.  

330PM:  It's kinda unexplainable, but I am hungry again.  So I went to Kabab Palace.  And guess who I saw?  David K and Silvestre Reyes (talk about Odd Couple) scarfing down kabobs as though Norma Chavez was trying to steal them or something.   

600PM: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, sheeeeeeiiiiiitt.  DC got bike lanes, bitches!!!  Can't wait to burn rubber on this shit with my sweet ass Schwinn!!!

200AM:  Why does this bitch keep calling me?!?!?  Susie Byrd can't get a clue or what??? Well, if Norma could successfully end her friendship with Marisa Marquez via text, I too can end my friendship with Susie.  "Susie, U R not..."

Welcome Snow Stranded Readers

To all of you snow stranded, bienvenidos. 

It took 5 inches of snow to bring you here. 

Let's face it.  You don't want to be here.  But you and I both know Mexicans and snow do not mix.  So you are stuck at home, and you cannot watch porn because of the kids, and there is no more Border Talk to listen to anymore.  So you are in here with me. 

I know. 

Trust me, it sucks just as much for me as well.

But we will get through this.  We will...take it away Norma Chavez...

 

  

 

The Most Confusing Ending In The World

White Man, and all-round Oppressor, David KKK, wrote an epic poem dedicated to the online life of Jaime Abeytia: Haz Clic Aqui.   It was like Brokeback Mountain, only with a twist.

After showering him with praise and giving him the equivalent of online road cabeza, David KKK, insults the Brown Man by calling him "Donny" in his last stanza.

"Donny"?

Yes, "Donny" as in Theodore Donald Kerabatsos from "The Big Lebowski".

David KKK  went from calling Jaime "The Man Most In The Know" to "Clueless".   Don't get me wrong, I kinda agree with the latter, but we should expect consistency from our White Overlord of the Potomac.