Max got a hold of some of New Year's resolutions....
Congressman Beto O'Rourke: "To be more like Francis J. Underwood, and less like Peter Russo."
Candidate Lyda Ness-INSERT HISPANIC SURNAME: "Pay my taxes, and ethics fines, and ask that the next guy wear a condom. I am not gonna fall for this 'I want nothing to cume between us' again."
Blogger Martin Paredes: "A green card."
Second-rate Lobbyist Hector Guiterrez: "To even become a bigger Reyes sycophant." (He's unaware that Reyes is no longer in Congress.)
Candidate Aliana Apodaca: "Do my best to remain relevant."
State Representative Naomi Gonzalez: "Designate Canutillo ISD School Board President Armando Rodriguez as my designated driver...oh wait....PHUCK! Never mind. Hire my own Aaron Barraza to be my designated driver."
City Representative Emma Acosta: "See if I can find a restroom at City Hall without having to ask Joyce Wilson about it."
City Representative Eddie Holguin, Jr.: "I won't make the City hire my father to install Christmas lights ever again. He's not a humble carpenter, he's not even a humble electrician."
Candidate Cesar Blanco: "Ask my aesthetician to leave a little more hair on brow line the next week that she waxes them."
Candidate Norma Chavez: "Pledge to not double-dip - receive both a state pension and per diem - should I return to office."
Drink, but not drive!