Yet again Max has another exclusive - the fake phone conversation trancript between Congressman O'Rourke and Mayor-elect Ortega.
O'Rourke: (Accepting call from Steve Ortega) Yo, yo, yooooooo Steve-Oooooooooo!!! Whaddup' playa!?!?!
Ortega: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, main!?!? Whatcha' doin!?!?!
O'Rourke: Sheeeeeeeit!!! Just trickin' out my Schwinn and rockin' with my cock out! You know how I do! So whas' goin' on!?!?
Ortega: Well, man, I gotta problem.
O'Rourke: Ah shit, man. Lay it on me. You know I fix shit.
Ortega: Well, remember that girl in Juarez I told you about?
O'Rourke: Is Diana Natalicio a mummified cunt? Of course, bro!!! How could I possibly forget about that!?!?!
Ortega: Well, she's pregnant.
O'Rourke: Say whaaaaaaaat!?!? Hold up. Pregnant?!?! That's impossible!!! You told me that chick was a tranny.
Ortega: Nah. This is another chick, but with women parts. The tranny...Esmeralda...maaaaaaan...(Interrupted)
O'Rourke: Ummmm...okay, man. Shutup. So back to the problem at hand. So what exactly happened between you and this non-tranny chick?
Ortega: Well, Norma and I...I mean...Paquita...(Interrupted)...
O'Rourke: Holy sheeeeeeiiiiiit!!! YOU PHUCKED NORMA CHAVEZ!!! You sick phuck. I bet you motor-boated her!!! I bet you did you horny lil' bastard!!! I can't believe it!!! I thought pansexuals only existed in fairy tales, but bro'...(Interrupted)
Ortega: Shutup, Beto!!! This is serious....(Interrupted)
O'Rourke: I gotta text Silver this.
Ortega: Silver? Like Silvestre Reyes!?!?! What's wrong with you??? What about pregnant Nor...I mean Paquita??? Beto, quit fcukin' around...(Interrupted)
O'Rourke: Shutup, bitch. The only one fcuking around is you and your 4-inch Mexican sewer snake. And no, Norma is not pregnant with your child. So chill out. She probably ate a bad burrito or something. And yes, Silvestre Reyes. He's now a grounds-keeper on the Hill. He's actually a pretty cool guy. I wave "hi" to him when I bike to the Capitol.
Ortega: Well, I mean...
O'Rourke: Sorry, bro', but I gotta wrap this convo up. I am inexplicably hungry right now, and I am craving some Georgetown cupcakes. O'Rourke, out!!!